Archive

Monthly Archives: November 2012

Welcome to the top of the ladder, kid.

B-K HQ is by all means a normal office. Okay, I guess normal is relative and maybe I’ve been here long enough that I’ve become blinded to the things that make us…different. Here are five things that surprise our visitors:

1. You’re the what?: So I recently got a promotion that came with a much more apt new title. I am now the Chief of First Impressions. No joke; that is really my title. Unfortunately, everyone seems to think I’m joking when I introduce myself now. I’ve started carrying business cards on my person for proof.

2. I thought you’d be…bigger: People always assume that a publishing house takes up an entire city block and has hundreds of people running about and so they are surprised when they visit us and see that we have only about 25 staff members in a modestly-sized office. If anyone says anything condescending about the size, I’ll tell them that this is just the back office they were sent to and that important or relevant people usually go straight up to the 15th floor where the executive offices and employee spa and gym are located.

3. The CEO’s “corner office”: Steve Piersanti is our founder and President, so it makes sense that he would get the corner office, except that the corner is literally just that – a corner in the main hallway with a small desk and no windows (see photo above). People think we’re joking (especially since all other employees get private offices with doors that close), but we’re not. That’s really where he sits. What? He seems to like it just fine.

4. No Longer Corporate 80s Nightmare: Mercifully, we recently upgraded the office, plush green carpet and all. Guests familiar with the old decor have almost universally identical reactions to the upgrade: their surprise is not at how nice the office looks now, but that we finally did away with the old look. Their reaction is similar to what you would say when a friend finally dumps that ugly boyfriend or girlfriend (“Oh, thank God! I can say this now, but he/she was U-GLY!”).

5. Family Friendly (and Not): My first day here I was told by the girl training me, “You’re part of the family now, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” I didn’t quite understand what she was trying to tell me at first, but I do now. We are ALL up in each other’s lives, and like real families, sometimes it’s frustrating, but most of the time it’s awesome. We’re just one big, happy, dysfunctional, slightly disturbed family.

I just realized that this is a very positively – toned posting. I apologize and will return to regular programming in two weeks.

Advertisements

Business cat cares about looking professional.

Face it, work is really where we spend the majority of our time. So if we have to spend so much of our lives here, why not make ourselves comfortable? Here are five things we really need in the office, stat:

 
1. Creature Comforts: Do you know what all those deranged killers who showed up at work armed and went on a killing spree had in common? None of them had pets. Dogs and cats are therapy and keep you sane and having them the workplace makes it a better and more fun experience. We should have pets prancing around the office. Actually, that factor about killers not having pets is something I fabricated, but it sounds right.

2. An Aspartame Intervention: A soda intervention, the situation is becoming dire. We go through almost an entire case of Diet Coke everyday, EVERY DAY. Do you know how much soda that is? There’s enough artificial sweetener coursing through the veins of our employees to kill all the lab rats in the country.

3. Company Siestas: It works so well for kids and what are adults but kids who know how to behave in public? A nap at the height of the non-productive hours (usually between 2 pm – 3 pm) will settle the stomach and the mind and replenish energy.

4. Company-Sanctioned Violence: Office disputes can get ugly. Someone makes a remark, you let it fester, the situation boils over, HR gets involved, and things just escalate. I say let’s do away with all that and handle it “Victorian Style.” Nerf guns at high noon; enough said.

5. A Sushi Chef: Nutritious, tasty, fresh, and not filling – what’s the problem? You know what would be even better? A sushi chef who also knows how to twirl knives and throw and catchsharp objects like at Benihana’s.

I think I’ll go draw up the puppy proposal now…